On receiving

There is a secret about human love that is commonly overlooked: Receiving it is much more scary and threatening than giving it. – John Welwood

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Recently, two new friends offered to give me some concrete and specific help with a big personal project. I hadn’t asked for the help; they volunteered it. For some inexplicable reason, the project seems important enough to them that they’re willing to take it on as their own. They don’t seem to want anything in return.

I find this amazing. And confusing. And most of all, uncomfortable.  No matter how delightful they may find me, I can’t quite believe my company and my gratitude are enough compensation. Where’s the catch? What’s in it for them? What payback will they demand? I’m exceedingly uneasy about receiving without reciprocating. It makes me wary that I’m taking advantage, or worse, setting myself up to be taken advantage of.

Almost everyone has had the experience of being given something by people whose apparent generosity had strings attached. Many of us have also been ill-treated by people who expected us to thank them for it. As a result, our first reaction to real generosity may well be, “There must be an ulterior motive in here somewhere, even if I can’t spot it yet.” But perhaps that’s why these new friends have come into my life. I barely know them, and they barely know me, and yet here they are, offering precisely the kind of support I need at precisely the right time. If I refuse it, they’ll be hurt, justifiably so.

How many acts of love and generosity have we all missed out on because we were too skeptical, too cynical, too wary to accept them? How much easier would it have been to say a gracious, graceful “yes, thank you”? How much better might our lives become if we choose to believe that more often than not, the world is conspiring in our favor?

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