Active inaction

Don’t just do something, sit there! – Anonymous

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For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt obligated to jump in to complicated situations and try to simplify them. It’s not a matter of hubris; I don’t feel like I can solve problems any better than anyone else. It’s more of a fear-driven compulsion. The thought process goes something like this:

Something is amiss!
If no one does anything, something bad will happen!
No one else is doing anything!
Oh no, it’s up to me!
If I can’t prevent something bad from happening, the disaster will be my fault!
(Cue massive anxiety attack with dollop of hopelessness on top. Aaaaand…scene.)

Sometimes, because I’m really good at untangling knots, I really do solve the problem, prevent bad things from happening, and enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done. But all too often, I end up diving into a problem that can’t be solved, even by someone who’s really good at solving problems. And then, when the inevitable disaster occurs, I can’t manage to shrug philosophically and say, okay, I did my best. Instead I spend hours, days, weeks replaying things in my head to try to figure out where I went wrong, while waiting apprehensively for someone to berate me for not doing better.

One of the things I’ve been assiduously working on, therefore, is the art of doing nothing. Of simply standing back, observing the situation, taking stock of my resources, and trying to figure out whether I actually have anything to contribute instead of plunging ahead in a desperate frenzy of “I don’t know what to do, but I have to do something.”

Sometimes you have to do nothing for an agonizingly long time before discerning not just what can be done and how to do it most effectively, or even whether you should be the one to do it, but whether there’s any point in doing anything in the first place. Those are the situations I struggle with the most: the ones where I feel trapped because the answers just aren’t clear, and I’m afraid that if I don’t do something, anything, even the wrong thing, I’ll be condemned for not having at least made an effort.

On the other hand, sometimes the situation forces you to do nothing very quickly. Some time ago, I was sitting in front of my favorite coffee shop when an elderly woman fell down the stairs on the bus and landed on the pavement right in front of me, hitting her head with a horrifying ripe-melon sound and lying there motionless. My first instinct was to jump up and run over to her, but in that millisecond of dismay, I managed to remember that I have only minimal first aid training and would probably do more harm than good. So instead I hollered into the coffee shop for someone to call 911 from a landline. And fortuitously, a nurse was nearby and ran over to take charge until the paramedics arrived.

The thing I’m starting to realize is that my instincts are every bit as good as my intentions. When things don’t go according to (my) plan, it’s rarely because I did something horribly wrong. I just lose sight of the fact that doing everything right improves the odds of a good outcome, but doesn’t guarantee one. Sometimes you get the same results no matter what you do.

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