As without, so within

A few days ago, I wrote of my adventures in weight loss, “I’m doing this because I want to, not because I have to. Life isn’t, and shouldn’t be, all about trying to achieve some misery-inducing standard of perfection.” It’s time I said more about that. Unsurprisingly, I have a lot to say.

Let’s get the obvious part out of the way: Being model-stunning isn’t necessary for success, unless you’re an aspiring model, but given that people do tend to judge a book by its cover, it simply makes sense to make your cover look as good as possible, within the bounds of reason. (What’s reasonable? That’s up to you. As for me, let’s just say I was willing to endure Accutane to get rid of cystic acne, but no number of wrinkles will ever get me to inject botulism toxin into my forehead.)

The sad truth is that no matter how many times we say “Beauty comes from within,” we live in a culture that puts the highest value on being pretty on the outside. Study after study shows it. Attractive people get paid more, even in jobs where appearance is irrelevant. They enjoy what’s known as the “halo effect,” in which people around them assume that good looks indicate good character. And, of course, single people have more suitors if they also have the looks with which to lure them. Which means it’s too damn easy to fall into the trap of believing that the reason you didn’t get that promotion, that introduction, that engagement ring, is that you weren’t physically exquisite enough to deserve it.

That’s not what all this external self-improvement is about. Not for me, anyway.

What it comes down to for me is that I want to be the best possible — again, within reason — version of myself. When I look and feel good, I’m more confident. When I’m more confident, I stop feeling like I have to put up with BS. I can send nonsense packing and make room for something much better instead. It’s not about trying to achieve a particular “look,” it’s about making sure my outsides reflect who I’m trying to be inside: strong, centered, healthy, and happy.

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